March 7, 2017
Sometimes we become so angry, we want to punch everything directly in the face. Here are three quick and easy ways to begin diffusing your delicate bomb self, sans punching.
Experiencing real-time fury? Stop whatever you’re doing. Put the phone down, rest your hands on the keyboard, put yourself in a 5 second mental time-out, and close your eyes. What does your physical body need? So angry you’re unsure?
Step One: Alleviate any physical bodily needs, and focus on the task at hand.
This is also known as “squirreling” yourself. Step one is all about distractions. Stand up, pour yourself a glass of water, and drink it right there in front of the sink. Odds are you’re probably dehydrated, too.
Other distraction techniques include going to the bathroom, taking a shower, burping loudly, rubbing lavender oil on your temples, or making tea. Distract yourself and alleviate any bodily tension that may be subconsciously contributing to your anger.
Step Two: Breathe that shit out
This step can sometimes make me even more angry, but do yourself a big favor and trust step two. The quickest, easiest way to control your breathing in any setting is known as the 4 Square Breath technique. You may feel like a complete asshat during the first few breath cycles, but stick with it for at least 3-5 rounds.
Inhale through the nose…2…3…4…
Hold the breathe in 2…3…4…
Exhale through the nose or mouth for 2…3…4…
Hold the exhale 2…3…4…
Here’s pictorial instructions for the visual learners out there:
Step Three: Channel the remaining anger into something positive you can control.
Feel any less insane yet? We save step three for last, because we now must face our anger again. Don’t concentrate on the emotion of anger itself or the direct cause(s) of your anger. Instead, ask yourself, “what can I control about this situation I’m in?”
Anger is known as a secondary emotion. In other words, we resort to anger as a protective mechanism after we’ve experienced something that made us feel scared, hurt, rejected, frustrated, humiliated, sad, anxious, disappointed, or discouraged. Ew. We’re made to feel there’s no way out, but we know better.
You might be angry at your spouse, your work, your parents, your friends, the universe… the list never ends. When we invite control back into our lives, we can start to focus on our primary emotions and allow the anger to dissipate.
Although there’s really no rules for channeling anger into something positive, here are a few avenues that generally work for me:
- Write anything down, and delete it if you want.
- Open a sketchbook and draw; fill up the white parts of the page.
- Stand up, place your feet hip distance apart, do 20 squats.
- Put on your favorite music; sing loudly and/or dance it out.
- Take a quick walk; even better if you have a pup to bring along.
- Donate to a cause related to your anger, frustration or sadness.
- Plan something positive to look forward to.
Remember: Anger itself is not something we can necessarily control, but what we do about being angry is definitely within our control.
